Hi Sweetness

Well, we're getting very close to the end. You are due exactly four weeks from today. You have dropped into position, and Dr. Seaver was even able to feel your head at my appointment this week. He rolled in an ultrasound machine and I got to see you again. I didn't get a very good look; it mostly showed me that your head was round, your eye sockets go in, and your nose goes out. That's all as it should be. I did get a really clear view of your hand, though. You opened and closed your fingers over your thumb and palm like a sweet little wave.

I'm so excited to meet you! I'm also having some strange mixed feelings that I have to admit to. For example, I am really looking forward to meeting you, but I know I will miss being pregnant. And even though I know I will miss being pregnant (and having you roll around inside me), I am pretty uncomfortable and my back hurts a lot. It will be good when that's over. And although I'd like for it to be over, I'm not sure I'm ready for it to be -- we have to put your clothes away, buy diapers and bottles, install the car seat... It feels like there is a lot to do before you really get here, and that's a little scary.

Your movements have changed a bit. Instead of enthusiastic punches and kicks, you're doing a lot more stretching and rolling around. You did wake your dad up the other night. We we snuggling and both fell asleep, but you didn't! He had his hand on my belly, and you started kicking his hand and woke him up. You didn't wake me up, though, incidentally. I've gotten really used to your frequent movements. I thought it was sweet, like you two were communing while I was asleep.

I suppose that's all for now. Don't come early!

I love you already,
Mom

Hi baby!

I'm officially in my third trimester now. We came back from our trip this afternoon, and we had a lovely time. You have been moving, bouncing, and kicking a lot. I can actually just look down at my stomach and see you shifting around in there. I wouldn't mind if you would sleep in a bit -- you have a regular 6:30 am calisthenics appointment, apparently.

It's amazing to think that your arrival will be in something like twelve weeks. I mean, I could have been counting the weeks all along, but now it seems so close! In fact, as of today your due date is only eighty days away. It also seems very far away, if that can make any sense. That's three months! And darling, I don't blame you or anything, but I'm ENORMOUS. It's becoming difficult to haul my massive girth around, and I can't believe I'm bound to get even bigger over the next three months. My sleep has been affected (it's hard to get comfy, then you kick me for minutes at a time), I walk funny, I have to go to the bathroom every five minutes, and there are parts of my pelvic region that are sore that I didn't even know could GET sore. This has been interesting, but I think I was expecting that I'd have the easiest pregnancy ever, and that it would be more or less a breeze, with lots of flouncing and frolicking. But there's really more waddling and grunting than I expected. But I am still so happy you're coming, and I love you already.

Love,
Mom

Merry Christmas, Punkin

Dear Peapod,

Well, it's Christmas day, and for a baby who isn't actually here yet, you sure are loved! Your Aunt Maryam and Uncle Kirk sent you a little purple outfit with polkadots. Your cousins Phil and Noona gave you an outfit too, in pink. Tia made a scrapbook for you. Your Great-Aunt Joy gave you an angel candle-holder. Your Grandma Jan sent you a quilt. One of your dad's co-workers and her husband (Debbie and Spencer) gave you two bibs, one with a rocket and another with a German flag. My old friend Erinn and her husband sent you the cutest little legwarmers, some onesies, and some receiving blankets. And we haven't even BEEN to Grandma and Boompah's house yet!

You and I and your dad are very lucky to have so many people who love us.

Thursday is the first day of my third trimester, and we are also leaving for our last trip that doesn't really include you, at least for a while. We're going to Monterey and Santa Cruz.

You are a very busy baby. Just so you know, I've accused you of practicing capoeira, Taiko drumming, karate, ballet, gymnastics, acrobatics, using my uterus as a trampoline, and driving your own Fred Flintstone car. You kicked your dad's hand really hard the other night, and yesterday when I was holding your cousin Grant (who is 4 weeks old now), you kicked HIM several times. He didn't seem to mind though, as he was fast asleep. You're still hard to catch in action, though. I'll feel you kicking up a storm, and by the time I've got somebody's hand on my belly, you've stopped! It's like you're being sneaky.

Well, it's Christmas morning and your dad and I have opened our presents to each other (as usual, he spoiled me!), and now I'm going to tidy up a bit, take a shower, and then we'll go over to Grandma and Boompah's. They're making pancakes for breakfast. Next year, you'll be with us! Although at 9 months, I don't think you'll be ready for pancakes. We'll see. Maybe a bite.

Love you already,
Mom

Dear Peapod

I am now 5 1/2 months pregnant, more than halfway there! Sometimes it still seems hard to believe, like it's too good to be true. But it's hard to forget you're there, because you're moving ALL the time! This has been an exciting week, actually. First, you were kicking right when I went to bed one night, and your dad got to feel you kick for the first time. On Sunday, your grandma got to feel it, too. It's still subtle to them, but I feel it very distinctly. I think you're reacting to some external things, too. For example, if I rest my laptop on my belly, I can almost guarantee you'll start kicking it. And today when I was singing to you, you started kicking. Another odd thing happened the other night -- I rolled over, and then you rolled over. It felt like you just had to adjust when I did. Your head (I think -- frankly it could have been your butt) rolled right into where my hand was resting. It was a kick.

I made you a blanket this week. I made it out of some of your dad's and my t-shirts. It's not perfect, but I'm really happy with it. And then afterwards, I got to say "I made a blanket for our daughter." That's kind of amazing, to think that you're really on your way. I secretly hope it becomes your favorite blanket and that you won't be able to bear being separated from it.

Something else I've been thinking about this week is how happy I am that we're able to bring you into the world in such a positive relationship. I hope that your dad and I will be able to model for you, your whole life, what it's like to be in a healthy relationship. It's corny, I suppose, but we really love each other, and we both make an effort to do things that will make each other happy. I know there will be hard times ahead -- no one gets a free pass for their whole lives -- but we'll get through them together. And Zadie, that's what I want you to see.

Love you already,
Mom

You're halfway there!

Dear Peapod,

Or should I say Azadeh? We found out last week that you are a girl! I would have been happy either way, but I'm delighted that you are a girl, and I've already gone out with your grandma and looked at sweet little fuzzy pink and purple and green outfits for you. Your dad and I had talked about names, and we had sort of decided on Azadeh for a girl (I wanted to wait and make sure it was right), but it wasn't until I saw you on the screen at my ultrasound that I thought "Yeah, that's my little Zadie in there." It feels much more perfect now. We called everyone -- your aunts, grandmas, grandpas, friends -- and told them all you are a girl. Everyone's excited, and they like your name, too. Your dad looked it up and found that it means "freedom" or "princess."

You have still been kicking a ton. This afternoon during a meeting at work, you were REALLY powerfully knocking me around! I couldn't help but make a face at it a couple times.

Today marks the 20th week, which is exactly halfway through your gestation and my pregnancy, which of course we're sharing. I'm really delighted to be going through all this. I am sure my mind will change later on, but right now, as much as I want to meet you, I love having you here as a little secret inside me. I'm the only one who feels you kick. I'm the only one who's constantly aware of your little life. It's just crazy that 5 months ago you were only an idea, and in 5 months more, you'll be in my arms.

I love you already, little miss halfway mark!

Love Mom.

Capoeira

Hello there, my little capoerista! Ballerina? Breakdancer? Footballer? Gymnast? What are you doing in there, anyway?! Last week you took about a two-day break from all your little bouncy movements, and when you came back, it was with a bang, literally! I feel like a Taiko drum! I'm happy for the constant evidence of your existence, though, so thanks. For the record, you are especially happy after sweets and after spicy food (must take after me!).

On Friday we get to find out whether you're a girl or a boy. At first I wasn't sure I wanted to know at all. I mean, finding out when you're born has got to be one of the biggest, best surprises you can get in a lifetime. But now that we've decided, I'm really excited! I can't wait to know a little bit more about who you are. You're like a little mystery and I keep getting clues doled out. I'm looking forward to this one.

For the record, I don't care at all which sex you are. Cookie baking, singing, walks, soccer, books... those are things that anyone can enjoy. So it's not as if I'll hear "It's a girl" and think "Oh no, no sports!" or "It's a boy" and "Oh no, no baking!" I'll try to expose you to all kinds of things, and whatever you latch onto is what you latch onto, right? I can give you choices, but I can't dictate what you choose. And that's fine: I don't want an accessory. I want a person with feelings and tastes and ideas and a distinct personality. So whether you're a boy or a girl matters little. I'm just looking forward to referring to you by the appropriate pronoun, and maybe calling you by your name. One more piece of the mystery revealed.

Love you already,
Mom

Almost 16 weeks!

Dear Peapod,

This is an exciting time. You're moving around, and I can feel it! I felt you move for the first time last Wednesday, and since then I've felt it at least once a day. Sometimes you do a big movement, like "Bloop!" Other times, it's a little flutter. I wish I could feel it all the time. It's so nice to know you're in there and doing well.

My pregnancy day-by-day web site told me today that you are as big as a softball. Isn't that unbelievable? I can't get over how much you're growing and how fast this time is passing. As excited as I am to meet you, I'll never get to relive this time, and I'd like to savor every moment.

I feel good right now. I'm definitely showing now, and can't wear most of my regular clothes unless I layer them over maternity shirts. I think strangers can now tell that I'm pregnant, not just fat.

Your room is getting closer to being ready. Your grandma cleaned the floor today, and the crib is in there, the rug, the bed, the rocking chair... There are a few things left to move out or find places for, and we still need some things, but they'll come later, probably at the shower.

There's not much else to add right now. I have a doctor's appointment on Thursday, so if there's any news, I'll write it here!

Love you already,
Mom