Wednesday, August 29, 2007

11 weeks

Dear Peapod,

I don't know if you're interested in this stuff, but I'm going to keep recording it anyway. Next week I have an appointment where I think I get to hear your heartbeat. I think that will be really cool. I wish your dad could come, but my appointment is pretty early -- it would be really hard to pick him up from work and still get to the appointment on time. Oh well.

My body hasn't done too much more changing. I'm looking forward to getting a real belly bump. I have definitely expanded in the waist, but it doesn't have that cute roundness to it yet.

I think my appetite has stabilized a bit. I'm still hungrier than normal, but I want small portions more often. Sadly, I am still kind of off the veggies. I want starch, dairy, salt, and fruit. That's about it. And it's hot out -- today it was 107, which really doesn't encourage me to want to cook or eat hot food. Some of the things I really love don't sound that good to me. I have bars of dark chocolate and a bag of M&Ms I haven't touched at all in almost 2 months! Yeah, they're probably stale...

I'm very excited to meet you. I keep having dreams about you. In some of them, you're a girl, in others you're a boy. I need to look it up to make sure, but I know that soon I'll be in my second trimester! It seems like the time is flying and at a standstill all at the same time.

Everyone who hears our news tells me that I'm going to be a great mom. I hope they're right. I'd love to know what makes them think so, but it's just casual conversation -- you can't really ask. If I can't achieve anything else, I'd like you to reach adulthood having felt consistently safe and consistently loved. I've sometimes thought that if nothing else, I'd like to be remembered for being kind. Like if there was only one thing on my headstone, it would be "She was kind." I want kindness to be important to you, too. It's worth more in the end than intelligence, attractiveness, a sense of humor, loyalty, or any other qualities that we like in others and ourselves.

I love you already,

Tuesday, August 14, 2007


Hi baby,

I'm just checking in. I had my first dream about you this week -- you were born already, and we hadn't finished your room, hadn't bought a car seat or crib, and didn't have a name. I said "Just call her Peapod -- we can decide on a name in a couple days."

Your dad had a dream about you, too: he dreamed he was at a swimming class, and people on the sides of the pool were throwing all sorts of different babies at him, and he said "No! Give me MY baby!" You're obviously invading our subconscious lives.

I am surprised to find that my body is already changing a lot. Not that I'm showing, exactly, but little things. Like, I went to yoga the other day and over-stretched. Apparently, there's a hormone that makes it easier for your joints to relax (for birth), but it also means it's easy to stretch too much, and I can feel it. I also really taxed my abdominal muscles, so I kind of look like a pregnant lady -- I'm rolling onto my side to get up instead of sitting straight up!

Your grandma has been taking pictures of me every week since we first found out (week 4), and we looked at the pictures the other day. I was sure there wouldn't be any progression, but there was! I am already rounder in the belly. Now, admittedly, it's bloating and fat, not you and my uterus, but it's a noticeable change.

Congratulations, by the way. Until last week, you were an embryo, and now you're a full-fledged fetus. Don't kid yourself that it doesn't make me feel better. Seeing you on the ultrasound, as I did on Thursday, was a massive relief. I even cried a little. Knowing that you're real, and healthy, and growing is such a relief. I'm a real worrywart when it comes to you. I can't even imagine your teenage years.

Love you already,

Monday, August 6, 2007


Dear Peapod,

Well, I have some bad news for you -- first, your mom is an emotional wreck. I'm crying at all sorts of things. Happy crying, not sad crying, but crying nonetheless. I get all teary at all sorts of things. Like, I was listening to Paul Simon's "Love me Like a Rock," and thinking of singing it to you while dandling you on my knee (you'll have to let me know whether "dandling" is still a word in 2027 or whatever -- it's out of date now!). Then I was thinking what it would be like to raise a child to adulthood who was secure in the knowledge that your mama loves you. Twice now I've been listening to that song, and I get to the bit where he sings "My mama loves me... she loves me loves me loves me loves me..." Well, I get teary thinking about you!

Which brings us to the other bit of bad news: You're going to know some music that's hopelessly out of date. I mean, I was a bit of an anachronism in the 80s and 90s knowing (and loving) Paul Simon, The Beatles, Donovan, and the Beach Boys as I do, but you? Thirty years later? Yeah, if you take after me in your love of music, you are going to know so much old stuff. And not the stuff that will be cutely retro -- I'm not singing you Fergie or System of a Down -- no, you'll know Johnny Cash, the Who, Joni Mitchell...

I'm really looking forward to meeting you. This week, I have my first appointment where I get to see your heartbeat, and afterwards we'll finally tell everyone you're on your way.

Love you already,

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

6 weeks and a bit

Hi Peapod,

I'm almost 7 weeks pregnant, which makes you almost 5 weeks in the making. Right now you're about 1/4 of an inch long, but you're already growing organs, you have a heart with two chambers, and you have arm and leg buds. Cool, huh? I'm definitely feeling more pregnant. I am sleepy as heck. I just got back from Chicago, so I can probably explain some of it as jet lag, but I've been taking naps, going to bed early, sleeping in late... I'm glad it's summertime so I can indulge how tired I am. I'm still hungry, and I'm not really feeling ill (or not very much, anyway), but I'm finding that it's harder to find things I want to eat. Normally I'll eat anything, but for some reason, I think of things to eat for dinner and they just don't sound good. I'm usually a very healthy eater, and I'm finding that I am eating a lot more starches and salt and less veggies and fruits! Yikes! I'm going to have to fix that.

I've told so many people, and I was really not planning to this early, but I'm so excited! I told my dance teacher (well, she might need to know), Nora who does my eyebrows (because she's pregnant, too, and knows how we've been trying), Grandma S (not your grandma, mine -- because she's been prying), my co-worker Chris (because I figured he could help me with this year's schedule), Auntie Monkeygirl (because she's my best friend), the girls I went to the conference with (because it's otherwise hard to explain peeing every five minutes and eating everything I see), oh gosh, who else? Well, I told myself I could REALLY tell after my first pre-natal appointment, which is in a little more than a week. I'm supposed to be able to see your heart beating on the ultrasound, which is very exciting for me. After that, we'll tell all your grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, great-aunts and uncles, second cousins... the whole lot of them!

I'm getting a lot of questions -- about whether we'll find out the sex, whether we have a preference, whether we can decide on names, how I feel... It's funny how people have all the same questions. If you're wondering, I don't have a preference about sex, and I don't know whether we'll find out. Your dad wants to, but I get to run this show, and I think hearing "It's a ..." is kind of exciting. We can't come to any agreements about names yet. It's a good thing we still have until March to sort it out.

I love you already,