Wednesday, December 24, 2008

9 months!

You will be nine months old tomorrow, on Christmas day. You have been delighting in taking the ornaments off the tree and dragging the presents around by their ribbons, ripping paper wherever possible.

You still army crawl, but you get around by cruising a lot -- holding onto things and essentially walking. You'll also "walk" if I hold your hands.

You babble a lot, saying "ah mama da da blah blah na na kuh puh a wa wa." You have said several words, but you don't say them all the time. The things that you have clearly said at least once include:
Odwalla (Grandma's cat)
nana (for banana)
bow wow wow
la la la (in the context of a book that says the same)

And you are working very hard, but not quite there, on:

You have just recently learned to sleep in your crib at night. You still cry for a little while, but you're getting better sleep.

Right now it's Christmastime, so you are interested in snowmen and nutcrackers, especially.

You love birds, and any time you see them, you flap your arms and say "Caw! Caw!"

You can wave hello and goodbye, and you know the signs for milk, nurse, eat, hat, bird, and you sort of know duck and no. You also point at things you're interested in.

You're a huge flirt, and in public you're always trying to get people's attention. When you finally do, you grin and act coy.

You just got your third tooth, the top front one on the right. It came in Saturday the 20th.

You fall a lot, and right now you have a big bruise on your forehead from falling off the couch. You also scratch yourself with your fingernails, usually by your eye or inside your ear. The result is that you look beaten-up a lot of the time.

You like to follow your Dad and me around the house, especially into the bathroom, and you have figured out that you can just push open that door, so we have to be pretty vigilant.

You still nurse, although we'll see how long it lasts if you keep biting me! Ouch, young lady!

You like to explore the house, opening up any doors you can, pulling on cords, pushing buttons. My laptop has fallen on the floor about three times.

Generally, though, you are a great, well-behaved, sweet baby. You love to be read to, and will listen to books for a long time. You also seem to like restaurants, and will patiently sit in a high chair as long as we are there. You also LOVE getting bites of grown-up food.

That's all for now. It's so much fun getting to know your little personality. Right now, you say "Mama" a lot, and every time I answer "yes, sweetheart. Yes my love. Yes darling." You seem to think it's a game, but I just love hearing you say Mama.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

7 1/2 months

You just amaze me every day. You have been saying mama, dada, hi and bye. You don't say them perfectly or regularly, but we definitely hear them.

You are working on some other words, too, like hat, duck, ball, and book.

Your receptive language is quite good now, too. Earlier today I said "Come to mama" and you immediately began working your way toward me. You also open wide when we say "banana," you recognize the words for most of your favorite foods, for the cat, and for all the people you love. You look forward to kisses and nursing.

You can get lots of places on your own. You can crawl just about anywhere in the house, and in the living room, you can stand and walk around the coffee table and the couch and chair as long as you can hold on and reach.

You help us by lifting your legs when we change your diaper and by putting your arms in sleeves. You open your mouth for nearly any food, although bananas and bread are probably your favorites. You would like to try almost everything we eat. You stare at food as it goes to our mouths.

You are, at this moment, trying to help me type... I'd better go.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Banner day

Wow, you're amazing. You started off the day by sucking on your toe for the first time. Then you tried to climb onto the counter at Grandma's house. You said "hi" to the cat. When Boompah said "Bye," you said "Bah." Later you said "Mom," and Grandma turned to you and started to say "Gosh, it sounded just like you said 'Mom...'" when she realized you were staring at a picture of me. And then you crawled all the way across the couch on your hands and knees, the first time you've ever crawled like that. Apparently you just had a developmental leap today! Congratulations, and thanks for adding "Mom" to your vocabulary. You have no idea how happy it makes me.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Almost 7 months

This weekend you'll be seven months old.

We're still nursing, which is kind of amazing, since I went back to work and Grandma takes care of you all day. You got two teeth on the same day, and I think you have a top tooth coming now. You definitely say "hi" now, even though it sort of sounds like huh-iy. You also say "du! du!" when you see your toy duck. And you say "da da" a lot, although it's not always about Dad. You've also made your first sign, for water. When you see the sprinkler and Grandma says "water" and makes the water sign, you definitely try to emulate it.

You are standing up every chance you get, and you've even sidled along the coffee table in a sort of walking fashion. It's very slow and plodding, but you get around! You can turn around and take one hand off whatever you're holding onto. You like to crawl around and follow Daddy and the cat. You get VERY excited to see us when we come home, and you very clearly wave hello and goodbye.

You have been eating more solid foods -- you had some un-mushed rice today, and some diced pears this week, too. We've given you a chunk of apple to gnaw on and you enjoyed that. You LOVE oatmeal, avocado, spinach, sweet potato, applesauce, and peas.

You make all sorts of silly faces and noises. You sniff, snort, growl, fake cough, and squeal.

That's about all for now.

I love you more than you could imagine,


Monday, September 29, 2008

I wrote all this stuff down...

and thought I ought to keep it here, where I'm putting the stuff for you. I love you, Zadie.

I can't believe it, but she's six months old! She had a checkup, and the doctor said to go ahead and go nuts with the solids, because she's ready. The doc commented again on her freakin' awesome head control. She's about a month away from getting teeth. She is finally at the 50th percentile for weight, yay!! Since her reflux seems to be mostly under control, we can stop thickening her formula.

I've given her bananas, avocados, sweet potato, and butternut squash. She seems to like everything. Yesterday at sushi she ate avocado off chopsticks very successfully.

She keeps trying to crawl. She can get anywhere she wants by army crawling, but she can't quite keep her ass off the ground and work her legs at the same time.

She likes her jumper, her swing, the cat, books, and eating paper. She has learned to blow raspberries and discovered that it makes me laugh when she does it with a mouthful of avocado, so she does it all the time.

She's obsessed with ears -- grabbing them and looking inside. She is really good at holding things and picking up small objects.

She babbles a lot now, and I hear lots of consonants -- b, v, r, l, d, g, and w. She wanders around here going "ah ba ra da da guh bala..." Her Boompah (my stepdad) always engages in conversation with her, so as soon as she sees him, she starts in.

She would really enjoy breaking the stereo. She turns it on and hits eject, and then tries to bang on the CD tray. Usually I can get to her before the banging begins.

She smiles when you smile at her. She laughs when you say "yay" or "ah" or blow raspberries on her stomach. She loves when you take her hands and make her clap.

She has just this week figured out waving. She doesn't do it consistently, but if you wave at her long enough, she'll open and close her hand.

No matter what you're eating, if you wave it toward her face, she'll open wide, expectant.

She can pull herself to standing on the arm of the couch, and is working on using her vibro-chair for the same purpose.

The other night as she was falling asleep, she closed her eyes, said "ba ba da da," then her eyes flew open and she leapt toward and latched onto my boob.

She will crawl across a room at breakneck speed just to chew on your big toe.

She thinks it's funny to roll over fifteen times during one diaper change.

And that is my girl at six months old.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Almost six months

Hey darling. You're half-asleep on my lap after a rough day. You're teething, I think, and didn't nap hardly at all, which has made for a fussy baby. This has been an exciting month of firsts. You tried butternut squash for the first time last week and seemed to like it (you ate a lot!), and today you ate about a third of a banana. You are quite mobile and can get all around the house by crawling. You have discovered the stereo and turn it on every chance you get. You also seem to go for the power cords as often as you can. We're constantly pulling you away from dangerous things.

You love to laugh, and I can count on you to laugh when I lift you in the air and bounce you, when I say "Yay!" to you, make faces... apparently your Boompah can always make you laugh, too. You love playing Pat-a-cake with Grandma. You just learned how to blow raspberries, and practice every day. You are finally big enough for your Jumperoo, and you like being in it and bouncing your little tush off. You fall asleep when we carry you on walks most of the time. Last weekend we went to the AIDS walk and everyone fussed over you, then you slept for about half the walk. You love grabbing your daddy's nose, and when you're in a better mood, you nap with him. He sings you songs every morning and turns all your books into melodies.

You are getting so big! You have suddenly outgrown about half your clothes. The pile of things that no longer fit you grows every day, and the clothes that were huge on you just last month now fit you just right. You are a good eater, and I hope at your doctor's appointment we find that you have gained lots of weight. I suspect we will.

Grandma has been taking care of you during the day when Dad and I are at work. You two have been having lots of fun, going to Tupelo in the mornings for coffee, taking long walks, going to Grandma's house to see Boompah... It works very nicely. Sometimes I come home and Grandma and Dad are talking and you are crawling around, and it's just the sweetest scene on earth. It's so nice to come home to.

Well, I suppose that's about it. I can't believe almost half a year has passed since you came into my life. What a wonderful half a year. Thank you for it.

I love you enormously,

Monday, September 1, 2008

5 months

Dear Zadie,

What an amazing young thing you are turning out to be. Everyone who sees you comments on how strong you are, how alert, how intense... The sushi chef the other day said you looked like you could hypnotize people with your eyes.

You started staring at our water glasses and reaching for them, so we started giving you little sips. You LOVE it, and would keep drinking for five minutes straight if we didn't take the glass away.

You've learned to crawl! Well, it's not the four-limbed crawl yet, more of an army crawl with just your arms and a little push of your toes -- your tummy stays on the floor -- but it's getting there. More and more often you're lifting yourself into an all-fours position and rocking back and forth like you might go somewhere.

You're finally big enough for your jumper and high chair, and you're quickly outgrowing your Bumbo seat and vibrating chair. I've also got a pile of clothing you outgrew all of a sudden.

Tomorrow you get to start hanging out with Grandma during the day while I go back to work. I think that will be fun for you. Grandma loves to sing you songs, play pat-a-cake, and take walks with you. I hope you'll be a good napper for her.

You now turn and look when we say "where's Mommy?" or "where's Daddy?" I am totally jazzed about that.

Your grandpa made you the most beautiful stained glass with water lilies and koi. It's a little heavy, so he's making a frame for it before we hang it back up.

The funniest thing you do is something that isn't appropriate to get on video, so I'll have to describe it for posterity. When we lay down to take a nap, I usually have my shirt off. Sometimes you want to play instead of sleep, or sometimes you wake up ready to play. When you do, you climb on me, your hands on my tummy and feet on the bed. You stretch and bounce your legs like you're trying to jump over me, but then you'll catch a glimpse of my breast and pounce on it like a baby tiger. You'll nurse for just a second, then go back to playing, then nurse, play, nurse, play... Your latest nursing "thing" has been that you like to come at my breast from the top for some reason. The other day your dad came in to find you fast asleep on your tummy, but with your head against the middle of my chest and your mouth firmly latched on. It did not look comfortable. You'll also latch from anywhere -- sideways, upside-down... Your dad likes to tease me, because when you were first born I was afraid you'd never learn to latch, and now you're like the latch queen!

It's so exciting to see you grow. I love your chubby thighs and your round bootie.

I hope you won't miss me too much while I go back to work, but I know I'll miss you tons.

Love and kisses,

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Hiya Zadie-pop!

Well, you're just over 4 months old now. You've finally started gaining weight at a rate that makes me (and the doctor) less nervous.

You're getting really good with your hands; you can grab our noses, our glasses, my hair... In fact, you grab at almost anything within reach. You can (and do) suck your thumb and fingers whenever you want.

Going out to dinner with you has become a little more challenging, because instead of sleeping happily in the sling, you want to sit on my lap and grab at my plate, my fork, my water glass. I don't know what you think you're going to do with a glass (or coffee cup) if you get it, but you REALLY want to find out.

We go outside almost every night and check out the grass, flowers, trees, and stars. You try to grab the roses by the stem, which worries be because of the little thorns. In the day we go on walks and go to the park to check out the ducks and more roses. I try to use sign language for everything we see, but sometimes it's hard because I'm holding you and you're facing away from me.

You make lots of noises, still mostly vowel sounds, but with a few other noises thrown in. Sometimes it really sounds like you're trying to tell us something. You also make a terrible noise that sounds like someone gasping for air after they've narrowly avoided drowning. You respond when I talk or sing to you. Your favorite song right now is "The Old Woman Who Swallowed a Fly." You smile like crazy when I start to sing it and do the signs. For some reason, you've been laughing your tiny butt off when I say "Eeeeeee."

You've been scooching across the floor and bed, but mostly backwards and mostly by accident. You push up on your arms, wiggle around, and slide backward. You have a couple favorite toys you will pick up. First is Baby Beans, a doll that was mine when I was a baby. She has ratty red hair, and you love that you can grab her by it so easily. The other is a very soft plush pig that Boompah bought you.

We're working on getting you to take naps by yourself, since I go back to work soon and Grandma will be taking care of you. So far it's semi-successful. You'll go to sleep if I just lie near you, but won't stay asleep long after I get up.

Everything goes in your mouth, including anyone's hands that get too close. You grab people's fingers and pull them to your mouth, then gnaw on them. We think you're pre-teething. You drool a lot, too.

You like being propped up in a standing position on the back of the couch to look out the window. You are in a good mood most of the time, but that's not to say that you never cry or fuss. Sometimes you downright scream for a while and we can't figure out why. Usually it's when you're overtired, though. Mostly, you're a lot of fun to have around. You're cuddly, you laugh, and you're always learning new things.

All right, my darling. I just wanted to update on how you're doing. Someday I hope you'll be interested.

I love you tremendously,


Saturday, July 5, 2008

So much progress!

Hiya sweet stuff!

We are having so much fun lately. You like to grab stuff (my hair, jewelry, guacamole, my shirt, your clothes...) so we bought you some toys to hold. You're only 3 1/2 months old, and there's one toy that clicks when you twist it, and you can already twist it! You've been very sociable, too. Yesterday was the 4th of July, and you were held by practically everyone at Grandpa John's, and you just babbled and smiled. Everyone commented on what a good baby you are.

I recently started carrying you facing out in the sling, and you seem to like it. You stare at people, and many of them comment on how intense your gaze is. You really do look at people and things with intensity.

We have long conversations sometimes. You go "Aah! Oowoo. Wha!" and I say "Really? Do tell." We can go on like that for a long time.

I have been practicing the baby sign language on you. I read you books like "Are You My Mother?" and do the signs for baby bird, mother, cat, dog, etc. Or I sing "There was an old lady who swallowed a fly" and do all the animal signs (except goat, which I don't know). You really seem interested, following my hands with your eyes.

Your health is getting better. You have gained weight all three of the last three weeks, which is good. We are now thickening your formula so you spit up less, and I'm feeding you smaller amounts more often. You also take Zantac for your tummy twice a day. It seems to all be working together to help. I was worried about you for a while, but I'm relaxing just a little now.

You laugh now - not just one little "heh" at a time, but sometimes really laughing for a while.

When you wake up, you look at me bleary-eyed, then start smiling. Your first-thing-in-the-morning smiles are the sweetest. You look like you're really happy to wake up and find us there again.

You reached for me for the first time the other day. Grandma was holding you and you stretched your arm out straight toward me twice in a row. I wasn't sure at first that's what you were doing, but the second time, I really thought it looked like you were reaching for me.

You've been MUCH better about staying with people besides me. This week you stayed twice with Grandma and once with Dad while I left, and you were perfectly content.

Your dad has been singing you songs and reading you stories, too, but my favorite thing to see is when he takes you at bedtime and reads to you from his comic book. We have a great picture of it. You look so interested! He sings you a song every day before he goes to work, too, about all the fun he hopes you have every day.

Okay, darling. I just wanted to let you know what's going on at this stage. You're getting bigger all the time!

I love you,


Monday, June 2, 2008

Ten weeks old tomorrow

Dear Peapod,

How time flies, sweetie. You are not gaining weight very well, and I want you to be a nice big chunky healthy baby, so we're trying a few things. I think you may have a milk allergy, so I'm cutting all milk out of my diet and switching you to soy formula. You already seem happier, which makes me think you may indeed have had a tummyache. If so, I sure apologize for letting you have an upset stomach for so long! Rookie mistake. It may not be the milk, but so far the milk-free experiment is going well, so I have my hopes up.

These days you enjoy your playmat a lot. It has two cross-pieces that sort of dome over the top with toys hanging from it, and when you kick it it jingles. You lay there and kick and smile and it jingles away. You also like your vibrating chair. It has lights and rainforest sounds and a monkey and frog that move and a parrot and monkey you can hit. It seems to entertain you well.

Your dad and I have so many nicknames for you it's not even funny. We start with Zadie-face, Zadie-head, Zadie-cakes, Zadie-bug, then move into sweetie, darling, punkin', sweet stuff, cutie-pie, punkin' muffins, sweetie-head, lovebug, and finally things like Kicky McKickerson and pooter-pants and pooter pie. Those are only the ones off the top of my head.

We also sing to you for almost every occasion. A diaper change, for example, might begin with the operatic "My Mother Tortures Me" and finish up with the peppy "Clean and Dry." Your dad narrates everything he does with you in song.

We also kiss you, gum you, put your feet and hands in our mouths, let you grab our fingers. You've just recently taken an interest in our wedding rings and grab at them. You have the sweetest big huge smiles for us, especially in the mornings.

You're the greatest joy in our lives. We love you,


Sunday, April 20, 2008

Almost one month!

Oh my gosh, sweetie, this time is just flying by! You're almost a month old, and I can't believe it. Your dad and I love to hold you, and we do it all the time. You are a very good baby, and you usually only howl when there is something wrong, like your diaper is wet, you are hungry, or something else is wrong (like gas). You sleep in long stretches, although you still have a 2am to 4:30 am period where you just really don't want to be asleep, which means we stay up nursing, cuddling, etc. If I try to put you down, you go "eh, eh, eh." If I ignore the eh-ing, you cry.

Yesterday we went to Golden Gate Park to the children's playground. Obviously you're not playing yet, but we met some friends and hung out in the sunshine. You were very sweet and quiet and sleepy. We stopped in Berkeley on the way home so you could eat, and as I walked and fed you, many people went "aww" because you're so sweet and small and beautiful.

Your aunt Maryam and Grandma Jan will be here on Tuesday, your 1-month birthday, and we're very excited for them to be here and get to see you and hold you. They love you already, and will be so much more in love with you when they can see in person how wonderful you are.

Your favorite things right now are walking in the sling or Moby wrap, nursing (seriously, if I didn't pop you off of there, you would likely nurse nonstop), and doing exercises with Dad. He puts his fingers in your fists and pulls up. You hang on, lift your head, and sit up. We also like to test your leg muscles by making you stand on our legs or chests. You stiffen your legs and stand for quite a while.

I'm madly in love with you. I'm really hoping I never forget what this time is like. It's so sweet just to hold you and nurse you and rock you and sing to you and you're SO small! I love it when you make faces and work your little fists and make squeaky sounds and purse your lips...

I just love everything about you.


Thursday, March 27, 2008

You're here!!

First of all, welcome to the world! I love you intensely. I won't repeat the whole birth story here, I don't think, but I'm sure you'll hear it plenty of times.

Hindsight is 20/20, and I just re-read the last post. Well, it turns out that I was right the first time -- my water did break at 1:15 on Sunday. And all that stuff where you were "pushing downward?" Yeah, those were contractions! Who knew?

Anyway, none of that matters nearly as much as the fact of you, how amazing and beautiful and strong and powerful and brave you are. You had a pretty rough start, but you fought your way better. Holding you is the best feeling in the world. You feel good, smell good... You are incredibly beautiful. Your dad and I just can't get enough of holding you and being with you.

Unfortunately, we're at home tonight without you. But I know the nurses are taking good care of you, and we will be there in the morning. We hope to not leave without you again.

Remember when I was still pregnant and I said I loved you already? A supernova atom bomb big bang of love has happened since then. It came in and exploded my heart.

I love you,


Monday, March 24, 2008

The beginning of the birth story...

Includes a lot of false starts. Your due date came and went. On Saturday the 22nd, I felt a lot of pressure and heaviness in my pelvis, and I had felt out of sorts all day. I woke up at 1:15 and felt moisture on my leg, so I got up and went into the bathroom. Whatever was on my leg was clear, so I peed and stood back up, and there was my mucus plug! Ew! I wasn't sure whether the clear fluid had been my amniotic fluid or not, so I put on a liner and went back to bed.

At 4:30, I woke up again, sort of checked the liner, and it wasn't wet. I had to go to the bathroom, though, so I got up anyway, and then some fluid gushed out. It was clear, maybe two tablespoons. I peed again, and my pee was florescent yellow due to all the vitamins I take. So whatever leaked out wasn't pee. I called Kaiser and they said to come in.

I took a shower, woke your dad up and asked him to toast me a bagel (he was very groggy and I had to explain why and what was going on), then packed a few things and called your grandma, who was set to take us to the hospital. Your dad took a shower, too, and then your grandma came and we all went to the hospital.

Well, the nurses there didn't have a record of my call or whom I had talked to. I think I accidentally called the other Kaiser hospital in the area. But they got me all checked in. I was not having any real contractions or in any pain, but they said I had to come in if my water broke, and I was pretty sure it had. I was worried that they were going to induce labor, which is supposed to make it hurt more!

We met our nurses, Debra and Janet, I think. They were both quite nice. Debra looked my age, but was about to have her third grandchild! Her daughter's name was Kara, too. They called the midwife in, and I thought she looked like she had just woken up from sleep. She was rubbing her eyes, and her scrubs had bits of down on them. Later, your dad said he noticed a sign that said "doctors' sleeping area," so I think she must have been asleep!

She checked me internally and said she didn't see any water hanging out, so she did an ultrasound to see whether there was still enough amniotic fluid for you. She found two pockets and said that because you still had enough fluid and I wasn't in labor and didn't seem to be leaking any more, they were going to send me home. I was relieved, actually, because I didn't want to be induced. I was hoping to start labor naturally. At that point, I was 3 cm dilated, 90 percent effaced, and you were at -2 station (which means about 2 centimeters away from my cervix).

That day was Sunday, and when we got home I went back to sleep and had a long nap, then read the paper. Then I called your grandma and we went to see a movie (Paranoid Park) and get dinner. That evening I watched some TV while your dad played on the computer. For some reason, you decided to start kicking up a storm! For probably two straight hours, you twisted, stretched, kicked, poked... I had to push on my belly to keep you from hurting me by stretching out too far. And when you stretched straight downward (which you were doing a lot of) it really hurt! Your dad read to me and patted my back, and then we both went to sleep when you calmed down.

At 12:45, I got up to use the bathroom and felt another gush of moisture on my legs. It was clear again, but I didn't want to be tricked into thinking it was my water breaking again. I used the bathroom, put on a pad, and went back to bed. There was more mucus plug, so maybe that's what it was before, too.

It's now 2:30, and I was restless and hungry and couldn't go back to sleep, so I'm playing around on the internet and having a bowl of Kashi. I decided to write this all down because I think you have a long birth story ahead and I don't want to forget stuff.

Love you already, and looking forward to the next chapter (so hurry it up, would you?)

Friday, March 21, 2008

Ollie ollie all-come-free!!

That's right; today's your due date. You can come out now! This has been a wonderful experience, pain and awkwardness aside. I have loved being pregnant with you, even when it was scary. But now I'm ready to meet you in person! I want to hold you, know what you look like, give you your name for real, feed you, watch your daddy hold you, nibble on your little feet, get to tell everyone all the dirty details, like just how much you weigh, how tall you are, what time you were born... I want to know what your birth story is.

I was so sure you'd be early. I've been dilated, you dropped, I'm HUGE... But just to prove me wrong, I think, you're hanging out inside. Now, I'm sure it's warm and comfy in there, but you should really come out and check out the world. You already missed Nowruz -- are you going to come on Easter? That's not nearly as cool, baby.

Well, I love you, and can't wait to meet you. Come out whenever you're ready (but the sooner the better!).


Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Almost time!

Dear Peapod,

I've been thinking a lot about you. I sit in your room and look at your crib and your things and just imagine what our life will be like.

What amazes me today is how much of your little life is already determined. Your genetics are, of course, and who your parents are, but so much more. When you're 80, if someone asks me where you were born, you will still say "Sacramento." Your childhood home is determined. Your first pet (although she's mine, I'm sure you'll think of her as yours) is curled up next to me.

I am also thinking of my role in your life. Until the instant you are born, I am not a mother -- no one's mother. But the instant that you are born, I will be your mother, forever and ever, and you will never know me as anything else. Isn't that amazing? And even when you see pictures of me as a kid, me as a teen, me and your dad before you were born... I will still be your mom, and you won't be able to really comprehend that I could have even been anything else.

I hope I deserve that. I mean, I know I get to be your mother just by virtue of getting pregnant and giving birth to you. But I hope that I do an admirable job. I hope that when things are rough, I am patient. I hope that when you are sick, I am comforting. I hope that when you talk, I listen. I hope that when there are choices to make, I make the right ones. I hope that you remember the things we do together -- walks, trips, reading, cuddling, singing songs... I hope I stick to my ideals most of the time, like healthy eating and little TV. I hope we have a lot of fun. I hope I help you become fully yourself, not something I want or your dad wants or the world wants, but something you want. I hope you know you can always come to us, that our love for you is unconditional. I hope you are happy. I hope you always feel you can count on us. I hope we don't let you down much. I hope someday you will understand how much we love you. I'm not even sure I know yet, but it feels like a lot.

I'm really looking forward to meeting you.

I love you already,

Friday, February 22, 2008

Hi Sweetness

Well, we're getting very close to the end. You are due exactly four weeks from today. You have dropped into position, and Dr. Seaver was even able to feel your head at my appointment this week. He rolled in an ultrasound machine and I got to see you again. I didn't get a very good look; it mostly showed me that your head was round, your eye sockets go in, and your nose goes out. That's all as it should be. I did get a really clear view of your hand, though. You opened and closed your fingers over your thumb and palm like a sweet little wave.

I'm so excited to meet you! I'm also having some strange mixed feelings that I have to admit to. For example, I am really looking forward to meeting you, but I know I will miss being pregnant. And even though I know I will miss being pregnant (and having you roll around inside me), I am pretty uncomfortable and my back hurts a lot. It will be good when that's over. And although I'd like for it to be over, I'm not sure I'm ready for it to be -- we have to put your clothes away, buy diapers and bottles, install the car seat... It feels like there is a lot to do before you really get here, and that's a little scary.

Your movements have changed a bit. Instead of enthusiastic punches and kicks, you're doing a lot more stretching and rolling around. You did wake your dad up the other night. We we snuggling and both fell asleep, but you didn't! He had his hand on my belly, and you started kicking his hand and woke him up. You didn't wake me up, though, incidentally. I've gotten really used to your frequent movements. I thought it was sweet, like you two were communing while I was asleep.

I suppose that's all for now. Don't come early!

I love you already,