Friday, September 21, 2007

Dear Peapod

Hiya! I'm now 14 weeks along. I'm not exactly showing yet, but my pants definitely don't fit anymore, and I'm wearing maternity pants! My waistband has disappeared, and there's definitely roundness, but it's not that big, full roundness that you associate with pregnant women.

I discovered the other day at ballet that I really can't lay face-down on the floor any longer. I may not be huge, but it feels like I'm trying to lie on a grapefruit. You're very solid in there!

I heard that by the end of this month, I may be able to feel you moving, and I am very excited about that. I haven't felt it yet, but at night I lay very still and concentrate to see whether there might be something...

I'm still singing to you, mostly in the car. Your dad hasn't been reading the stories out loud, mainly because we've been going to bed early because we're both so tired.

We've been talking about names again, to no avail. There are a couple names for both boys and girls that we don't mutually hate, but that's as far as we've gotten.

I feel a lot more energetic, although I'm still getting a lot of sleep at night. Okay, that's not much of an update, but I wanted to check in.

I love you already,

Sunday, September 2, 2007

You and the back seat

Dear Peapod,

I had a funny thought the other day. I was thinking about going on a trip, and whether you would stretch out in the front seat the way I used to do on long trips with my mom. I'd recline the seat, kick my shoes off, dominate the stereo... And then I thought, wait -- Peapod won't be in the front seat, because Reza will! I know it seems silly, but to me, part of growing up and normal childhood included all the things your grandma and I did together, just the two of us. We took trips to Capitola, Bodega Bay, San Francisco... But your grandpa rarely, if ever, was with us. Of course they had divorced by the time I was seven, but even before that he only accompanied us a few times. Anyway, that won't be true for you -- you'll be raised in a two-parent household, and the backseat will be all yours.

There are lots of things that will be different about the world you grow up in -- technology has changed, history has occurred, educational philosophies are different... Someday I am sure you will be amazed that the internet and cell phones didn't exist when I was growing up. You will probably get confused, as I did, and wonder whether we had cars and television (we did). But the things that really interest me are the ways your family will be different.

Today as I drove away from your grandma's house, she waved at me, and it reminded me that my grandma and grandpa used to ALWAYS wave at us as we were leaving, no matter the weather; they would wave until we were out of sight. And the Grandma I remember back then is essentially the Grandma I have now -- she has always been, in my eyes, a little old lady. Your grandma won't be. She's active, and healthy, and young, or as young as an almost-60-year-old can be. She still has relatively few grays. She works out, and gardens. But over time she'll change, I know. I'm happy that she will be watching you during the day. I can only imagine that you will be a better person because of her influence. That's another thing that's different -- my grandma took care of me during the day, but didn't do the kinds of things I imagine you and your grandma will do.

Another big difference? I had a TON of cousins floating around. My dad has three brothers and a sister, and my mom has one brother worth counting. I have seven cousins within 6 years of my age (and three more younger, plus four second cousins and one on the way). We all spent time together, not just at birthday parties and holidays, but all the time. Our parents would play card games, and we would play with toys, blocks, run around the yard, whatever. We were very close. You have five cousins, the closest in age will be six years older than you, and all five live in another state. Your dad and I both want you to be close to them, but it will be a struggle, given the time and cost associated with going to Oregon. And not long after you're born, your oldest cousin will be off to college! This is one of those differences that doesn't come out in your favor, I'm afraid. I hope we can provide you with a sense of family and belonging, but we're going to have to work at it.

I love you already,