Dear Peapod

I am now 5 1/2 months pregnant, more than halfway there! Sometimes it still seems hard to believe, like it's too good to be true. But it's hard to forget you're there, because you're moving ALL the time! This has been an exciting week, actually. First, you were kicking right when I went to bed one night, and your dad got to feel you kick for the first time. On Sunday, your grandma got to feel it, too. It's still subtle to them, but I feel it very distinctly. I think you're reacting to some external things, too. For example, if I rest my laptop on my belly, I can almost guarantee you'll start kicking it. And today when I was singing to you, you started kicking. Another odd thing happened the other night -- I rolled over, and then you rolled over. It felt like you just had to adjust when I did. Your head (I think -- frankly it could have been your butt) rolled right into where my hand was resting. It was a kick.

I made you a blanket this week. I made it out of some of your dad's and my t-shirts. It's not perfect, but I'm really happy with it. And then afterwards, I got to say "I made a blanket for our daughter." That's kind of amazing, to think that you're really on your way. I secretly hope it becomes your favorite blanket and that you won't be able to bear being separated from it.

Something else I've been thinking about this week is how happy I am that we're able to bring you into the world in such a positive relationship. I hope that your dad and I will be able to model for you, your whole life, what it's like to be in a healthy relationship. It's corny, I suppose, but we really love each other, and we both make an effort to do things that will make each other happy. I know there will be hard times ahead -- no one gets a free pass for their whole lives -- but we'll get through them together. And Zadie, that's what I want you to see.

Love you already,
Mom

You're halfway there!

Dear Peapod,

Or should I say Azadeh? We found out last week that you are a girl! I would have been happy either way, but I'm delighted that you are a girl, and I've already gone out with your grandma and looked at sweet little fuzzy pink and purple and green outfits for you. Your dad and I had talked about names, and we had sort of decided on Azadeh for a girl (I wanted to wait and make sure it was right), but it wasn't until I saw you on the screen at my ultrasound that I thought "Yeah, that's my little Zadie in there." It feels much more perfect now. We called everyone -- your aunts, grandmas, grandpas, friends -- and told them all you are a girl. Everyone's excited, and they like your name, too. Your dad looked it up and found that it means "freedom" or "princess."

You have still been kicking a ton. This afternoon during a meeting at work, you were REALLY powerfully knocking me around! I couldn't help but make a face at it a couple times.

Today marks the 20th week, which is exactly halfway through your gestation and my pregnancy, which of course we're sharing. I'm really delighted to be going through all this. I am sure my mind will change later on, but right now, as much as I want to meet you, I love having you here as a little secret inside me. I'm the only one who feels you kick. I'm the only one who's constantly aware of your little life. It's just crazy that 5 months ago you were only an idea, and in 5 months more, you'll be in my arms.

I love you already, little miss halfway mark!

Love Mom.